Auggie didn’t have a solid friend group, and neither did Lucy. Yes, Auggie and Lucy look different and have different illnesses, but they were both the main characters of the story with the largest problems. When I started reading it, I saw a lot of Lucy in Auggie. Then, in 6th grade I finally met someone who had the same answer as me: Via Pullman. It’s hard to think you’re right when you assume everyone around you has a different answer. I had never known, or tried to connect with, anyone else who felt the same, so I thought my emotions were wrong. But it wasn’t just that I felt insignificant, it was that I felt stupid for feeling insignificant. She was Taylor Swift smashing plates on the Metlife stage, and I was just Charlie XCX warming up for the real reason everyone had bought tickets to the Reputation Stadium Tour. At home, I was the little girl watching that light shine on another, bigger performer.
With my peers, I was the big performer in the spotlight. And more, they were even worried that I felt this way and often asked how I was doing, but I would shrug and respond blandly, “Fine”. How could I possibly cry to my parents or sister about the anxiety I was developing around going to sleepaway camp when the people I loved most were dealing with something so huge? Even though I knew my parents would have, of course, helped me, I didn’t want to be a burden to them or take their time away from Lucy. Watching my sister desperately trying to feel better and my parents working so hard to help her, I didn’t feel self-assured because my problems felt unimportant in comparison. So, as good parents, they spent a lot of time taking Lucy to new doctors, changing her medication, researching the best treatments, comforting her, and more. My parents didn’t just have their jobs and children’s activities to focus on, but also their child’s illness. Lucy struggled socially, academically, and emotionally due to the ravages of Lyme Disease. Home was where my sister was sick, and to me, that was the most important thing of all. But, back at home, separate from school and friends and sports, I didn’t feel too self-assured. It not only felt natural, it also made me feel like I had a purpose. Growing up, I quickly learned that I was the leader. My peers would answer “Oh, that’s gotta be Phoebe,”and I would have to agree. Who’s the mom of your friend group? Who’s the leader of your group projects at school? Who’s the person you rely on to buy a group gift and Venmo request you after the wrapping is done? Who do you think of when you picture a natural-born leader?